DEAR ANNIE: My wife and I have been happily married for eight years. This is a third marriage for both of us.
A few months back, my wife found that I had been visiting Internet porn sites. She became very upset and said this was the same as having sex outside of marriage.
This is something I’m not proud of and resolved not to do it again. Well, a few days back, in a moment of weakness, I typed in “nude beach.” She says this is the same as a porn site. I feel it isn’t, because it is a public beach.
Seeing how much pain I caused my wife, I won’t go to that site again. However, I would like your opinion. Is this the same as adultery? — No Cheater
DEAR NO CHEATER: Deliberately searching out “nude beach” is a way to look for naked bodies without using the word “porn,” but the effect is similar. And while looking at naked bodies is not the same as adultery, it is still a betrayal if it hurts your wife and you have broken your promise to stop. And if you are interacting in real time with real women online, we would consider that a form of cheating. You seem to have a problem with pornography. If you cannot stay away from it, consider that you may have an addiction that requires treatment.
DEAR ANNIE: My husband is a control freak in a way that I do not understand. For example, he takes me shopping to purchase expensive jewelry that I do not want but that he insists I get.
Recently, my dad moved close by. I told my husband I was going to visit Dad, and he became angry, stating that we don’t have the money to visit relatives. He said he would cancel the gas credit cards if I went. How should a sane person deal with this idiocy? — Confused in Connecticut