The Clinton Herald, Clinton, Iowa

December 21, 2013

Being turned off by boyfriend is reason to not marry him

The Clinton Herald

---- — DEAR MARGO: I’ve been living with a guy for nine months, and it’s fair to say I am the nosy type. Past relationships have made me not trust anyone.

Seven months into the relationship, I am looking at his online chat logs. I am reading a conversation between him and a female when he tells this person to start talking to him on his other IM account, one I never knew he had.

Well, he has another account where it says he is a cross-dresser and bisexual.I begin to freak out thinking the man I love is gay. So I confront him, and he tells me that he has been in four sexual relationships with males, just out of curiosity. This all happened before he met me, so then he decided he wasn’t gay.

He has started counseling, doesn’t use the computer anymore, and is doing everything he can to prove that he loves me and wants to be with me. So I guess my question is, what do I do? I love him, but I am not sexually attracted to him anymore. Every time we start to become intimate, I need to stop, because all I can think about is him with another man. — Confused and in Love

DEAR CON: It is admirable that this chap has gone into counseling and forsworn the computer (something I would be incapable of), but the fact remains that there’s a bisexual underpinning to his sexuality.

The deal breaker, as far as I am concerned, is that you are totally turned off. Those images are unlikely to go away. — Margo, unhappily


DEAR MARGO: I work in a stressful, fast-paced call center, and I enjoy reading on breaks and at lunchtime. That gives me roughly an hour to read each day.

With the constant din of call takers and managers, I value my reading time so that I may have a respite and some peace. I do have friends at work and consider myself social, but I’d rather spend my break constructively as opposed to discussing office gossip. How do I politely deflect my co-workers and not seem anti-social? — Bookish and Annoyed

DEAR BOOK: Like you, I try to read when it’s possible, even when I’m not at home. In your case, where you know these people, it’s a little sticky. Amazing, isn’t it, that people see someone reading a book and then sit down and start talking? This just tells you that some people are so dense that light bends around them.

What you should say, in a friendly way, the next time this happens, is something like, “I hope you’ll excuse me. I’m using my break to relax, and I do it by reading.” — Margo, restoratively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter.