The Clinton Herald, Clinton, Iowa

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October 23, 2012

What's going on with kids' Halloween costumes?

This Halloween, don't be too surprised if you get a trick-or-treater at your door who looks like a trollop. It's probably not the kid's fault.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you try shopping for a costume with a tall 11-year-old girl and tell me this holiday is all about goblins and candy. The genre of kids' Halloween costumes has been hijacked by harlots.

Oh, there are a lot more costumes available these days, but when you get past the little-girl sizes, all the costumes are variations on a trashy theme.

There are the traditional costumes -- nurse, witch, fairy princess -- except they are all tarted up with short skirts and low necklines. The options run the gamut from flirty to hooker.

One of the costumes -- swear to God -- is a Snow White costume with a cleavage-bearing top, a skirt that goes to mid-thigh and 5-inch red stilettos.

Now come on, we know what Snow White looks like. Are we really going to take these liberties with the Snow White outfit?

This is a literary character. If she had been wearing a miniskirt, the little dwarfs would have gotten an eye-full when they peered up at her. Those could have been a different set of dwarfs entirely: Raunchy, Bawdy, Gropey, Sleazy, Seedy, Saucy and Letch.

You will not even want to see what they've done with Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. She's clicking her heels, all right.

And I'm not just saying this because it is mid-October and I am in the middle of a homemade costume project that I have come to hate. But, yes, thank you for asking, that does happen to be my current reality.

It has become my fall ritual: The idea of making a costume sounds like fun in September; it becomes my personal hell in October. But this time my costume-making anxiety was induced by a lack of alternatives.

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