I filled a five-gallon gas can, it took six gallons.

I bought a 2-by-4-inch board, it was 11/2-by-31/2 inches.

I bought a 1-by-8-inch board, it was 3/4-by-71/4 inches.

Politicians say if you vote for them they can create jobs, better our schools, lower drug prices, better our health care system, eliminate oil companies from price gouging and end the wars. Apparently, no one has voted for these people before.

I tried to turn left at an intersection with arrows, they never came on.

I spent my whole life not smoking, went home smelling like a cigarette.

Minimum wage is $5.15, waitresses make $3.50.

Iowa road tax is 21 cents a gallon, our roads suck.

I tried to open a beard trimmer package, I needed the jaws of life.

You must wear a seat belt for your own safety in a vehicle, that’s the only reason for the law. If you ride a motorcycle you do not have to wear a helmet.

Property tax rate hasn’t gone up in 24 years, they go up every year.

Schools need more money. Wednesday was early out and Friday was no school.

If you can afford health insurance it costs an arm and a leg; if you can’t afford it, it’s free.

O.J. Simpson was found innocent in court, but found liable.

The Ericksen Community Center has no money, the gym is 80 degrees.

It costs the players the same to have one umpire instead of two.

One side of a fence is a baseball field, the other side is RV parking.

Clinton has been here for 100 years and the Mississippi River has been here for awhile, we’re just now getting a decent boat ramp.

You can’t let a child live in a house with lead paint, you can smoke in the car with them.

I went through a drive-through at a fast food, they told me to pull up and wait.

School taxes come from property owners, only 24 percent of Clinton residents own property.

If you win a state lottery the state gets 25 percent of your winnings and all of your losses.

If you inherit something you pay an inheritance tax, are you kidding me?

License for a mini van is more than $300 a year, are you kidding me?

I wanted the Raiders to win in football, they lost.

I wanted the Cardinals to lose in baseball, they won.

Why did the post office build a drive-through for motorcycles only?

If cigarettes and fast food are bad for you, why do we still have them?

If diesel fuel is less refined than gasoline, why does it cost more?

If all the current politicians are so bad, according to the ads, who are we supposed to believe?

In conclusion, it’s all about money. If you have it they want it. And twins.

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