Published: October 04, 2006 04:56 pm      

They didn't win -- it's a shame

"Do they still play the blues in Chicago when baseball season rolls around?"

Steve Goodman asked that eternal question before his untimely death in 1984. He continued by asking “When the snow melts away, do the Cubbies still play in their ivy-covered burial ground?”

Sadly, yes. This is my third annual column wrapping up a recently concluded Cubs season. To the surprise of no one, it’s pretty much exactly the same as the first two. The 2004 season was supposed to end in a trip to the playoffs until a meltdown in the final week. The 2005 collapse came a bit sooner, but the 2006 Cubs were one of the worst teams in baseball, a glorious throwback to the teams of my youth in the 1980s and 1990s.

Only two teams finished with a worse winning percentage, the always abysmal Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Kansas City Royals. The Cubs have returned, as Goodman sang, to “the home of the brave, the land of the free and the doormat of the National League.” With a new manager and team president coming before next season, who knows what to expect?

Every year since 2003 has been a disappointment in one way or another. In fact, at 27 years old, I think I can pretty much safely say that only four Cubs seasons in my lifetime have been even remotely satisfying. Of course, for someone born in 1939 instead of 1979, the number of mildly satisfying seasons increases from four to five, so it’s not like I’m alone in this wretched boat.

What are the lasting memories from 2006? Obviously Derrek Lee’s freak April injury is the most devastating, as it pretty much derailed the entire offense. But that shouldn’t take away from the cruel irony of seeing new leadoff hitter Juan Pierre struggling to get on base until June while ex-Cub Corey Patterson blossomed for the Orioles. Nor should it let us forget the folly of counting on Kerry Wood and Mark Prior to be in the starting rotation for any longer than 20 minutes.

There were highlights, of course: Michael Barrett hitting a grand slam on a Sunday night ESPN game to help complete a season opening sweep of the Cardinals, and Barrett hitting White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynksi just as hard with his fist at U.S. Cellular Field in May. Sadly, karma turned out to be not so friendly as Barrett’s year ended with a man region injury so painful I won’t even type the words.

The Cubs brought up a rookie pitcher who, in his Major League debut, went eight innings against Houston, giving up one hit and no runs to help complete a three-game sweep. What happened in his next start? He left with arm pain, never to be heard from again.

Carlos Zambrano had six home runs, as many as alleged rookie phenom Ronny Cedeno, who was one of about 87 people to get a start at second base. Greg Maddux got traded to the Dodgers (at least he’s in the playoffs) for a former Gold Glove winning shortstop who played in just 22 games in the last two months thanks to — big shocker here — nagging injuries!

Our pitchers led the league in both walks and strikeouts, which would be confounding if it weren’t so Cub-like.

Glendon Rusch served up two tape measure homers to Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo in back-to-back starts. Remember, Arroyo had been with the Red Sox for three years and had seven at bats over those seasons.

Then Rusch became one of two Cubs sidelined due to blood clot problems. Jacque Jones missed some time because of a tear duct malfunction. Zambrano couldn’t pitch in the All-Star Game because the White Sox third-base coach hit him in the knee with a Fungo bat.

Then Lee left the team in mid-September because his daughter began to inexplicably lose vision in one of her eyes.

Next spring, when one of our guys goes on the disabled list, the only excuse they’ll need to list is “Cub.”

This is the first year I can remember where I didn’t make at least one trip to Wrigley Field. I thought about replicating the experience by going in my backyard and setting a $50 bill on fire, but it wouldn’t have been the same without a frosty chocolate malt cup.

Another season has ended — mercifully. Each day from here until next April is a day where the Cubs won’t lose on the field, although I can’t wait to see if they hire the wrong president and manager on the way to cobbling together a limp starting rotation and one-dimensional offense. In fact, if the spring training facility caught on fire, I might not even raise an eyebrow.

I’ll end my annual lament in the traditional style that makes me feel more foolish with each passing year, a hopeful look to the future and a reference to the other Steve Goodman baseball song — "Go Cubs Go."

"Hey Chicago, what do you say?" Goodman sings. "The Cubs are going to win today."

Well, maybe not today. Today is reserved for the teams that actually made the playoffs. But wait ’til next year.

Scott T. Holland’s column appears every Wednesday in the Clinton Herald. His e-mail address is scottholland@clintonherald.com.