The Clinton Herald, Clinton, Iowa


October 4, 2013

Things that drive us crazy


It’s pouring rain and I have an umbrella in the car but I have to get out to open it.

It’s pouring rain and I have an umbrella — in the trunk of the car.

I lose one end of the string to my pajamas somewhere in the tunnel.

I can’t, for the life of me, open something where it says, “OPEN HERE.”

I stand in line at the supermarket behind someone I didn’t know was going to pay by check.

The person I call has an answering machine with a cute message that’s too long or one that says, “We can’t come to the phone right now”... as if they were really home.

A television news broadcast teases tomorrow’s show by telling me about a story that will be on. If they know the story today it won’t be news tomorrow; it will be history.

I forget my watch.

People at the movies take the aisle seats, even though they came early and are the only ones in the row.

A driver pulls into a parking space that would hold three cars and parks so badly that he takes up two spaces.

Every year, the newspapers run elaborate barbecue recipes for summer picnics. I only barbecue once a year and I keep things simple. Nothing fancy — just hamburgers and hotdogs.

Liberals take the liberal position on everything and conservatives take the conservative position on everything.

The controls in the shower of my hotel room are smarter than I am, and I either freeze or burn.

Football players who showboat after scoring a touchdown or sacking the quarterback.

Columnists with whose political convictions I disagree.

Text Only
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  • Be more informed

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  • CCC thanks community, collaborators for successful movie night Clinton Community College would like to thank those who participated in the free outdoor movie showing of “Captain America – Winter Soldier” on the evening of Friday, July 18.We are grateful to have such wonderful community collaborators in the Erick

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    The NCAA once cracked down on colleges that went too far luring top prospects, then it targeted teams that lathered players with special treatment. That was until the NCAA's get-tough approach backfired, rendering it ineffective and creating an opportunity for those who want to play dirty.

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    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

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    July 22, 2014

  • UI needs to keep its admission standards high There’s been a lot of talk lately — most of it coming from the leadership of the Iowa state Board of Regents — about the University of Iowa not being passionate enough about its recruitment of in-state undergraduates. Regent president Bruce Rastetter

    July 21, 2014

  • Vote fraud myths meet voting rights reality Before she was allowed to register and vote for the first time in Franklin County, North Carolina, Rosanell Eaton had to read the entire preamble to the U.S. Constitution out loud in front of three men in the county courthouse.Eaton is black. The thr

    July 21, 2014 1 Story

  • 7-21-14 David Helscher mug Prepare for possible effects of Fed's decisions It has been more than 5 years since the Federal Reserve has taken unprecedented steps to support the economy through purchases of Treasury and mortgage-backed debt securities. This has generally been called quantitative easing and has not been withou

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With the Clinton County Justice Coordinating Commission and the Clinton County Board of Supervisors discussing proposals to construct a new jail, do you think the time has come for Clinton County to construct such a facility?

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