This classic Dear Margo column was published in April 2008.
DEAR MARGO: I’m 30 years old and have been married to an incredible, loving, caring man for 10 years. We have a beautiful family and we adore our children. Our sex life was pretty boring at first, as neither of us had any prior experience, but in the last few years it has improved a lot. The problem is that we have become more distant from each other. We only seem to talk about work, business or the children. We also seem to argue more lately. The spark has gone. I used to try to do different things to get us out of our routine and add some romance and spice to our relationship. During the last year, I’ve lost interest in even trying to improve things. We have sex frequently, but I don’t feel satisfied even after reaching climax.
I’ve been chatting and talking on the phone with someone I met on a dating site a couple of months ago. He’s a married man going through a similar situation. We feel very attracted to each other physically and intellectually. We have talked about actually meeting and taking this “affair” to the next level. I feel happy and energized again since I found him. Neither of us wants to break up our family, but we have feelings for each other. Should we surrender to passion and make the fantasy a reality or keep lusting for each other in a platonic way? — Heating Up in the Heartland
DEAR HEAT: I have a question for you: What, exactly, are you doing on a dating site? You are married. Looking for afternoon friends is not the way to deal with “the spark is gone” syndrome. I suggest you redirect this energy toward your “incredible, loving, caring man.” You may need to talk this out with him, or perhaps let a counselor guide you through the discussion.