The Clinton Herald, Clinton, Iowa

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Opinion

October 4, 2013

Get counseling, then figure out your future

Dear Annie: I love my husband, but I don’t like him anymore. He is disrespectful to me because I am overweight, and he has been after me for years to lose the extra pounds. He uses filthy language when he speaks to me and says it’s OK because I am disrespecting him by not losing weight.

I’m 58 years old, have back problems, wear a size 8 and could stand to lose a good 15 pounds. I am an emotional eater. I lose the weight and then gain it back. But he acts as if I am 50 pounds overweight. Meanwhile, he is tall, thin, has a small beer belly and takes medication for his high cholesterol. My cholesterol is fine.

I’ve asked him to go with me for counseling, but he won’t. I went alone years ago, but don’t see anything changing if he won’t go. This is so childish. He is so hateful of anyone who is overweight. I can’t take it anymore. I’m getting more depressed and have been seriously thinking of divorce. I want to leave and never come back. Any suggestions? — Any Name in Any City

Dear Any Name: Your husband has become a bully and a verbal abuser. If he has an ounce of sense, he would know that this is not an effective way to get you (or anyone) to change your behavior. It’s simply a way for him to vent, and you are the target of his frustrations. Tell your husband you are ready to walk and that counseling may be the last chance the two of you have to work things out. If he still refuses, talk to a counselor on your own and figure out what you want from your marriage and whether it’s too late to save it.

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